Being a writer is both fantastic and terrifying. So, for that matter, is being a homeopath.
So is being a human.
But let’s start with being a writer.
I scramble up my guts and my heart and my brains, cook it to imperfection and throw out the first three attempts, and then finally serve it up with a side of my most painful and embarrassing experiences.
To the entire world.
For free.
And then I hope someone will get enough sustenance from it to come back for seconds, and maybe even pay for a meal.
Homeopathy is at the heart of everything I do, because the realm of narrative, metaphor, and analogy, and the journey through darkness that the shaman walks to gain wisdom, is what this is all about.
There’s no hard line between content about homeopathy and content about my journey in the dark.
That’s why these emails always end with a homeopathy and/or shamanic coaching offer. That’s my service to the world; it’s both what I was put here to do, and what puts food on my table.
Yes, I want people to like me, and I don’t want them to not like me, but more than either of those things, I want to reach everyone who can receive this message.
Which means reaching a few who can’t.
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Sometimes, having gone through this process of scramble-and-serve, I get an ANGRY EMAIL from someone who would prefer to take the time to write the ANGRY EMAIL rather than click the unsubscribe button that is legally required to be attached to all mailing lists.
Here’s one from just the other day.
“How did you get my email?? Lose it!!”
And so I replied. “Hi there, it looks like you subscribed to my content in April of 2023, which generally means we interacted on substack. These lists are connected. Would you like to be removed from both?”
(I’ve always intended it to be clear that my substacks come from Inner Sea Homeopathy, but I never know what people actually read.)
So then I got curious about who this person was; it turns out they have a substack with a few posts as well, which are pretty strong on opinions about how the world should be ordered and how people should conduct themselves.
And yet, in a moment of anger, their first reaction was to lash out rather than quietly remove themselves from a voluntary association they did not wish to continue. That intrigued me. And it reminded me of a story.
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A few years ago, I received a vacuum as a gift. It’s a good vacuum in many ways, but there is no way to vacuum the carpet underneath a couch or bed, which seems like a pretty critical feature for a vacuum.
So I got on sales chat, and endeavored to find out if there was an attachment that could solve this problem. Sales chat is faceless, toneless, and often the English itself is stilted and awkward.
And I was having a bad day. I don’t even remember why. But I remained on this chat long after I determined that this was an unsolvable problem, just because I was enjoying, apparently, my righteous anger at the idiots at Shark Cleaning Products.
Finally I said, and I’m embarrassed to admit this, “That’s fine, I knew you weren’t capable of solving this problem, this is an outrageous design deficiency in a *vacuum cleaner.* Whatever. I’m signing off.”
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Some part of us is wired for the rush of righteousness, and, if we feel justified, that self-regulating part of the psyche that says, “shut up before you make the best speech you’ll ever regret,”* just doesn’t get a chance to comment in time.
“The sanctity of my inbox has been violated by this email I don’t want! Fire the torpedoes!”
More recently, I had a similar experience, but I ended it differently.
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I was, again, righteously angry, because I was having a straight-out-of-Kafka experience with the oil company (long story short, they wouldn’t deliver kerosene to me because we hadn’t bought kerosene in more than two years, because we didn’t need kerosene, because we don’t use very much, to which the girl on the phone said, “you should have told us you don’t use that much kerosene before we closed your account.”)
The deeper issue at play was that there was a kerosene shortage and, at the tail end of the Covid regime when the economic wreckage was demonstrating it’s potential permanence, I was fearful that I would never be able to get kerosene anywhere because no one was selling to you if you weren’t already a current customer.
Therefore, getting refused by the business where I thought I had an account triggered survival-level panic, and I went full Karen, at my sententiously sneering-est (apologies to non-Karen Karens everywhere).
I got off the phone, shaking with anger, but also chagrined, because I had not only not solved the problem, but I had acted like a complete asshole.
So I called back, and apologized. It didn’t solve the problem; I think the woman was more nonplussed the anything, but I knew that I had repaired my own integrity.
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Whether or not it is welcome, whether or not there is an external reward, the only question that matters is, have I maintained, or restored, my own integrity?
Have I done my good work without regard for whether everyone, or even anyone, likes it?
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Going out into the world isn’t comfortable. The fun rewards don’t tend to be the ones that come first; in fact, my experience is that it’s nothing but drudgery and headwinds for a long time.
My son said, “I wish I could just have the one big fight every day and then be done with it.” I said, “That IS the dragon.”
It’s all the challenges to yourself, it’s all the opportunities and incentives to quit; it’s every action you take just to get to the dragon, that constitutes the triumph. By the time you reach the boss battle, you’ve already won.
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Get to the boss battle. Don’t lose this email.
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Come to think of it, this isn’t a bad spot to make a pitch for supporting The Big At Large, even if you aren’t in the market for homeopathic goodies right now. Even if you don’t want to attend the monthly Ask Me Anything call, or get discounts on my offerings, or get Deep Healing Without Drugs, consider committing less than one fiat quarter a day to supporting this writing.
It’s not just the independent journalists who need support, but ALL the independents, all of us who are operating outside the system of subsidized patronage where toeing the line and dancing to the piper’s tune are the only way to get compensated and promoted (or even just not buried and blacklisted).
Be the de-centralized system you want to see!
Click HERE for your FREE Embark on Healing call, if you’d like to learn more about my Navigating Your Healing Journey shamanic coaching program of homeopathy-driven healing, growth, and self-discovery, and how you can gain greater access to your intuition and true path. I am offering you the Irresistible Invitation to Surrender. Will you accept it?
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All my life I have tried to have better control and not have knee-jerk reactions, at 61 I think I have finally arrived. There is something to be said for a person that when given a bad situation, you cannot tell if it bothers them or not. There was a pitcher (Tommy Glavine) that played for the Braves, no one could tell if a bad call upset him. I thought to myself I want to be more like him, stoic!! Well, I am glad to report, though it took many years, I have arrived. Good work Sarah, I enjoyed your email.